my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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