Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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