So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize