True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fight the coyote
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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