i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
