Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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