Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
