Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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