Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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