The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
