when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
