What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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