high people should be assigned attendants
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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