she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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