She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
