I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
