well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
