You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
