you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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