saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
