you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
