What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
