So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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