You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
as a side note pls kill me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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