I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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