I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
