gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
