And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
