Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
