Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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