Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
