There r osticjed everywhere
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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