Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
