somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
