OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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