I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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