At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just cropdusted the office
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
