The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
