do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
