I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
