she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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