you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
