mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
