apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
