Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
