This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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