I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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