I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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