My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
