He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
