it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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