Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
