Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
