i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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