i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
